January comes around and I have an entire New Year’s resolution/to-do list. After all, I’ve been playing full-time for a little over two years now. And I’ve begun wondering if I need to begin thinking about doing something serious? I really don’t wan’na, but do I have to? What comes next?
I’ve circumnavigated most of the globe, and pretty thoroughly circumnavigated my interior landscape; practiced Bikram yoga 4-5 times a week; I spent eight days in complete silence and meditation followed by six weeks intensive language school in Spain; I’ve visited ten countries, swam in all but one of the possible oceans – and I don’t think I’m ever going to voluntarily swim in the Artic Ocean- as well as several of the seven seas. I’ve even encountered a man who checks-off practically every box on my lengthy, aspirational, ‘what am I looking for in a lover/partner’ list; and he even manages to come up with new ones I hadn’t thought of earlier that are very cool! I’ve had a couple of busy years; epic years.
So, as I said, January comes around and I find myself rested, refreshed, rejuvenated and resolute(?), and asking this question: “Is there a limit to the amount of time I can spend playing?” The old, frightened buzz-kill voice inside answers: “ Well there is certainly a limit to how much time you can continue to spend money without earning any!” But really (ignoring buzz-kill for the moment…); after all of this life-upheaval and adventure: what comes next?
The list of things I wan’na be, do and have is extensive: finish moving in furnishing and decorating the new pad, set up an eBay account, sell half of my clothes (at least!); build a website, build a style consulting business; reconnect with friends I haven’t seen in the past couple of years, finish writing my book, write my blog, write in my journal, more yoga (yeah, yeah, lose a few pounds), meditate; study more Spanish – in Spain if possible; study art history, add some design classes, begin to research the design projects that have been incubating in my mind for the past couple of years during idle time riding trains, busses and ferries through territories familiar and unfamiliar, find time to travel more…not to mention some “Desire Mapping” to ensure that my ‘goals have soul’….
Intermingled with all of this ‘I wanna’ stuff, are my soul- inspired philosophical ideas about being in flow – as opposed to striving; showing my gratitude for such abundance in my life by paying forward/paying back, living a more ecologically sustainable life, living more consistently in accord with my authentic ethical/spiritual beliefs; most importantly, living up to the true creative magic that I am still discovering exists at the core of who we all are.
So I look at this extensive list of ‘New Year, new goal’ stuff and notice that, for the first time in my life, I am not completely overwhelmed by the amount of time and energy that will be required to accomplish some reasonable fraction of those goals. Nor do I feel that oppressive sense of possible failure that I have always felt in conjunction with New Years resolutions in the past. Why?
Hey look! There is no: “stop doing this; eating, drinking spending, blah, blah, blah”… There is no “you must do this thing you hate doing”. There is no-dollar value attached (although I do hope I will be able to continue eating regularly). There is only a list of ideas that inspire me, that fill my heart with joy and possibility. Everything on my ‘New Year’s Resolution’ list is just more play; more creativity, more art, more connection.
Which brings me back to the question: is it really possible to make these things the entire focus of life? Is it possible to spend one’s life in play?
Wan’na find out?